A Father’s Day Letter: In The Midst Of Darkness A Light Of Hope.

Posted: June 15, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Father’s Day is a holiday I have always hated. It’s a holiday where I always had to see every other son and daughter get to be with their dad on a supposedly meaningful day. Why put it aside as a special day when every day is a special day to be with your dad? The man that I call dad was an abusive man, physically and mentally, to my mother. He would beat her just because he could. One time while she was pregnant with one of my brothers, he became physically abusive to my mother and beat her. The abuse my mom took from my dad caused my brother to develop only three chambers of the heart instead of four.  He would drink and romance the women of his choice. I hardly knew my dad. All I can remember were some of the times he would come home and beat me and my brother. One time my dad made us food. Well, when you are poor and don’t have hardly anything to eat, you will ask for seconds. My mom came back from work and asked if we had eaten. I made the mistake of saying no. My dad looked at me and asked me to repeat what I said. I did and the next thing I remember was the pain of him lifting me up by my hair and swinging me around and throwing me down to the floor.  There were other instances of abuse I will not mention, but the man that I loved and called father wasn’t really in love with me and my brothers. Whatever love he had if any was never shown to us. The last image I have of him was when he was leaving on a bus to San Antonio, Texas. My brothers and I were confused and didn’t know what was going on. He kneeled down beside me and told me that he would come back for me. He promised me that he would come back. I saw him get on the bus and wave from his window. That is the last memory I have of him. I don’t even have a photo of him.

As the years went on, I became a man full of anger and bitterness. A lot of terrible things happened to me without my father there to protect me. With nothing to look up to or some type of guidance on how to be a man I began a destructive path of what I felt was right and wrong. In essence, I was becoming like the mirror image of my father. There were some things that I didn’t do like physically abuse someone I cared about, but the not caring and mentally hurting people became the norm for me. When I turned 30, a life changing event occurred in my life. A new hope had entered into my life that gave me a bigger purpose. I began to question my religion, who I was, and who God was.  I came to Christ through a very good man at work who asked me if I wanted to accept Jesus Christ. I did with no questions asked. One day while I was driving back from work I began to ask God where he was when I needed him the most. Why was He absent in the darkest parts of my life? I was angry and hurt. He had to answer me. I yelled at God  while every bit of anger oozed out of my body. “How dare you leave me alone through all my hurt and pain?” I told him while I wiped my tears of hoplessness, frustration, bitterness, and anger, that He should reveal himself to me to show me His existence. I was given 30 seconds of silence and no answer. I sweetened the pot and told Him that if He showed me how real He was that I would go and speak to others about Him and His forgiveness. The next coming months, a door to heaven was open as words of revelations from the Bible and studying brought me to a conclusion of His existence. My question was answered and revealed. “My son, I have always been with you. I know the hairs from your head and sewed you in your mother’s womb. I know every thought from your mind that proceeds from your heart and mouth. I have great plans to give you hope and prosper you. I sent my only begotten son so that we could have a relationship. Come to me and I will show you great and wonderful things you do not know. In all your times of selfishness and unrighteousness, when you were broken and hurt, I was there lifting you up and showing through the blood of my son that you have never been unloved. In the midst of darkness I gave you a light of hope.”

I made one last attempt to contact the man I called father. Through an exhaustive search I found him and called him. I had high hopes, but my mom believed that he would deny me. I asked him if he knew the people I mentioned by name on the phone. A long pause and silence was given for about 10 seconds. He told me that he didn’t have any sons and didn’t know any of the people on my list. I was devastated and my father had one more way of destroying my heart. It was at this moment that I realized I would never become like this man. I would never hurt my children the way he did to me. The healing process had begun in my life. It was time to move on and raise my own family. I now have three beautiful children that I love and adore. I never knew that the type of love I have for my children even existed. It’s a different kind of love that you experience when you are in love with your spouse. I bet this is the way God must feel for us. I cannot fathom the love He has. In my deep darkest days, God showed me that tomorrow had promise. He showed me that an unbroken road can be blessed and that love and hope superseded the past. He also showed me that the love of a father heals all wounds from the one who has rejected me. By giving me my children, He has given me an amazing perspective into fatherhood. My children have healed that bridge my father help to destroy. It is this love that God has shown me, for what He is willing to do to make me happy. He has moved mountains and obstacles for me to lead me to where I am in life. He has shown me his love by sending His son to die on the cross for me. He has shown me how  true of a father he could ever  be.

I don’t want my children to look up to me. I don’t want them to praise me because I don’t deserve that praise after all the hurt and devastation I have caused other people. I want them to be better than I could ever be. I hope they understand that. Don’t celebrate Father’s day on a special occasion. Celebrate it every day with the man who has brought you up to become the person that you are today. Those of you, who are fatherless, please understand that there is someone who is by your side even though you can’t see him.   His promise to you is always to be by your side and comfort you in all your troubles. Those of you fortunate enough to have great dad in your life, celebrate everyday by telling him that you love him.  Fathers, do not hesitate to tell your children how much you love them. Don’t be afraid to show them how much they mean to you. It’s okay to tell your children how much you love them. Show them the love that you have for them so when they become fathers, they can pass it on to their children. Most of all, don’t forget the one who knows you from the beginning of the womb, the one who sent His only begotten son to die for you. That is a type of undying love that echoes through the far reaches of Heaven. His love echoes through the past, present, and future. There is nothing like it. His love is forever.

  1. Harley says:

    What a wonderful testimony of God’s redeaming love. Having gone thru dark days when I was young also I can relate to the love of God now. He does wipe away all tears. Hope you had a wonderful Father’s Day. I know you remembered the Father of us all.

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